I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
