Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
