I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
