you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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