even my farts smell like vagina
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
