do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
