i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
