New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
A+ Viking dick
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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