Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
