But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
