I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I did not marry a roomba.
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