a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
