you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
