But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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