I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
