I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
