PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
