If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
