She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
i out mim tonsoeep
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
