I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm just crazy horny about you
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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