didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
