THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
