Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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