batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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