There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
