Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
