I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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