My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
