I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
