so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
