I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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