Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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