Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
