One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
