What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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