Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
