I will die if light touches me.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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