Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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