I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
