I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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