if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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