Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
