I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
