I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
