After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
