I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
