you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
