Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Someone signed my nipple.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
