Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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