i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
