hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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