I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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