Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
