so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
