drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
